Hi, I’m Satya.
This is a vulnerable sharing. I think it’s important for those of us who been through hard things to share our stories if we are able, and let others know that they are not alone with similar experiences. I hope that by sharing my history, others feel more comfortable in my presence; and that my experiences and learning can have relevance for helping people.
*Trigger warning: religious trauma, domestic violence, infant loss, child abuse, auto accident, brain Injury
I will start my story at adulthood— mid-thirties. As a single parent of 4 kids (I birthed 5, but lost my second one during infancy) , I was fueled by adrenaline for many years, trying to survive and create stability for myself and my family. I had already endured many difficult trials and would endure more in the future (see the list below). I was deeply exhausted, and I was also enrolled in college class prerequisites for an Occupational Therapy master’s program. All the while I was coping with poverty and lack of support.
Some of the stressful and traumatic things that I have experienced include these, a few of which I will go into further detail about in this essay, but most I will not:
an abusively religious childhood
relationships with partners who struggled with alcohol addiction
multiple pregnancies that resulted in complications and months of bed rest
premature labor and childbirth followed by intensive care hospitalization
loss of my second baby just a few weeks after birth
repeatedly leaving an abusive partner and hiding with my children and being followed
trying to protect my children from abuse when the law told us that their abuser had a legal right to “parenting time”
trying to win custody of children in legal and child protection systems that did not believe me or the kids for years
navigating my childrens’ pain and humiliation as they learned that their other parent was being incarcerated for crimes the nature of which they should not have yet learned about at their young and innocent age
multiple car accidents within three years (one a hit and run) causing concussions and traumatic brain injury
a Covid infection with symptoms that went on for nearly a year afterward and mimicked brain injury symptoms
Extensive research has shown the effects of trauma on the brain, and even that from living with excessive stress; and it is clear that significant, undesireable changes happen. Some believe that trauma is irreversible. I know that there is unlimited potential for healing, and despite the trauma that has changed my brain and my life, healing can change the brain as well and is what I have determinedly chosen. It is my hope to share my understanding and that my experiences can be useful as a form of research, so I can help others navigate the very complicated situations that are happening in their brains due to a variety of causes ranging from the traumatic impact of jolting life events, being born with autism, getting injured in accidents, experiencing stroke, degenerative diseases and the impact of viral pathogens.
After spending a few intensely stressful years running from our abuser, moving homes repeatedly and long-term sleep deprivation from studying around the clock while mothering babies and toddlers and breastfeeding; I tried yoga in my early 30’s and quickly went all-in. It felt like a lifeline and a necessary daily reset. The practice truly saved me. Learning yoga philosophy resonated with my spiritual sensibilities while the movement and breathing practices kept me feeling strong, stretched and most importantly, sane.
One of my first yoga teachers, a beautiful person by the name Ena Burrud, is a yoga therapist, and I began taking my children to her for therapy. She was generous and made it affordable. I saw the benefits of her work with them and I was intriqued.
I began to explore this newly discovered concept— yoga therapy as a career.
I found research by Molly Lannon Kenny, about the viability of yoga therapy for children on the autism spectrum. I had hoped to work with Autistic people as an OT upon graduation, so I was excited to learn that yoga-based therapy could be equally effective.
I sought out Molly’s yoga therapy school, felt very drawn to her methods as well as her wisdom mixed with a healthy dose of spirited social justice passion which felt very aligned with my values. I wasted no time signing up to become an Integrated Movement Therapy® certified Yoga Therapist.
Teaching yoga was not my intention, as I was aiming to be a therapist; but yoga teacher certification was part of the requirements for a yoga therapy credential, so I committed myself to it. Thus began a decade-long immersion into yoga teacher training and yoga therapy education during which I studied both broadly and specifically in order to fulfill my deeply held value to make yoga accessible to diverse populations.
I seek to exude an open-hearted and forward thinking persona, to melt away barriers of bias and stigma and to make marginalized people immediately comfortable in my presence. I work to be exquisitely proficient as an adaptive teacher and therapist and to make yoga completely accessible to anyone in any body and with any disability.
I earned my credential with the International Association of Yoga Therapists and immediately opened a small yoga therapy office. I was thriving with the joy of self-empowerment and the fulfillment of postively impacting the lives of my clients. This was a huge milestone, but far from the end of my hardships or of my learning path.
In 2018, my life changed drastically. I was rear ended by a distracted teen driver while my car was stopped at a red traffic light. It was my second concussion- I had also experienced a concussion from an almost identical hit-and-run in 2015. This time the impacts were substantial. I was diagnosed with a moderate traumatic brain injury and post-concussive syndrome.
I could not drive or work. I could not digest food properly. I could not stay asleep at night but needed to sleep often through the day, I was in pain, I had headaches and migraines, I had night terrors, I was dizzy and it was difficult to walk for lack of balance, I couldn’t tolerate much light or sound, I was anxious and panic-prone, my ears rung and I was extremely tired all of the time. Simple acts of eating, showering or attending one doctor appointment would sap all of my energy for the day. I felt like I couldn’t even think- my brain was foggy and slow. Shortly thereafter, I was also diagnosed with the additional syndrome of Fibromyalgia.
I closed my new yoga therapy studio after it had only been open for just over a year. I felt like I lost my yoga, meaning that I just didn’t feel connected to any of it anymore. It didn’t feel good or possible to practice the asana (yoga movement/poses), and meditation felt impossible. I felt disconnected from the spiritual aspects of yoga as well.
All I could think about was my new obsession—plants as medicine and a longing for being in a tropical place where I could swim in the warm ocean. I began listening to podcasts and talks about herbal medicine. My memory and assimilation were slow, but I just kept listening and taking in what I could. I also began dreaming and planning for Mexico. A new chapter had begun.
Life is surprising and changes so rapidly. I found out that it is okay to allow for obstacles and to surrender to an alternate plan. I am not in control of events, but I can learn to adapt and be resilient,
After some gradual healing, I did get my yoga back, to my great relief and pleasure. My practice has changed a lot to address my injuries, and I can now attest that I still really love yoga and it helps me exist more comfortably in my body, in my mind and in the world.
I felt the same imperative about going to herbal medicine school that I felt when I began yoga therapy school. There is no way I can explain how clearly I knew that I must immerse in plant study. It felt like a direct order from the universe and it was non-negotiable.
I first enrolled in herb school online (a 2 year program) in 2019 with a most wonderful and kind human as well as very knowledgeable herbal expert, Ashley Elenbaas, at Skyhouse Herb School. During my studies with Ashley, I was able to realize another dream and take my studies with me while I went. I left for Mexico in September of 2020, where my kids and I spent a year living in a small town by the ocean; and where I continued my online clinical herbal medicine practicum, seeing practice clients via video calls and researching herbal protocols for them from reference books.
Mexico was a better treatment for my brain and nervous system than any of the previous 14 months of neurology, physical therapy, vestibular therapy, cognitive speech therapy, vision therapy and the list goes on of medical therapies I utilized in the US. Those therapies helped me, but Mexico healed me, which is a testiment to the negative effects of stress and the value of stress reduction. It is apparent to me that time spent in nature, in sunshine, in salt-water and in slowed down and low-stress environments are the recipe for fast-tracked healing. I believe that my significant symptom reduction was due to drastically reduced stress levels from living amist the beautiful, spacious and easeful Mexican culture. Accessing such a deep level of rest can be hard in the United States.
Our culture does not look kindly upon prioritizing rest, and the expectation is for productivity. Now I use herbal medicine, yoga nidra (which essentially multiplies sleep benefits) and other tools to help my body rest and heal.
In 2022, having returned to the US due to the needs and desires of my children; I moved to Ithaca, NY to attend Northeast School of Botanical Medicine with the well-known herbalist, 7Song. This program served as another excellent nature immersion for me during which we traveled and camped in three states to identify and wildcraft plants, made medicine, treated patients at a festival pop-up clinic and studied academic units in anatomy, physiology and Materia Medica. The subject of my final research presentation was: “Herbal Treatments for Traumatic Brain Injury and Post Concussive Syndrome”.
I researched to help myself as well as others, because during the last few months of herb school, following a Covid-19 infection, I began experiencing some formerly resolved symptoms of my traumatic brain injuries. It turns out that Long Covid, which commonly causes dizziness and vertigo among many other issues; also tends to cause prior symptoms of past health conditions to reemerge. This “sequela” to an illness, as my doctor called Long Covid, can occur after any serious viral infection. Once again, I was rendered unable to work for many months and referred for constant medical therapies to consume every ounce of my time and energy. I got through this, and was able to resume work by August (about 10 months later), but some of the symptoms still pop up; and once again I am reminded that life may never be the same post-Covid, just as it is never quite the same post-brain injury.
As is the case with all of my life experiences, I am learning a great deal. I have made great progress and I also understand that healing is not linear— there are frequent, significant setbacks even as I move mostly into increased wellness. I continue to understand how trauma magnifies other conditions and can cause exponential symptoms as well as changing the way that we respond to mental and physical health related situations. There are many aspects to address in order to support our magnificent and complicated neurological system, including sleep, digestion, stress response, mindset, general resilience, physical relaxation, muscular stretch and strength and so much more.
